Habemus Papam

We have a pope. I´m sure glad I didn´t buy that ticket to Rome since this conclave was quicker than a shotgun wedding. I love that right now we´re in the moment after the white smoke but before the announcement that´s why I´m pounding this out right quick to proclaim that my intuition tells me that I´m the new pope. So pleace, bow down before pope Hilarius II. Kiss the ring, sit back, and relax a reign of peace and good times. I´d like to thank the cardinals for really reaching outside of their own to pick a true outsider candidate. I won´t let you boys down. I´d like to thank all those little people, and Schnocone for running a clean campaign against me. It was a hardfought battle, but in the end I was just the better candidate. What can I say? So now I´m signing off with a wave of the holy fingers before I´m dethroned by righteous zealots.