I Blame You.

Happy Independence Day, or also importantly, 150th Anniversary of Leaves of Grass, first edition.

Yeah, I´ve totally been getting into Walt Whitman. It´s especially great to read now that America is flushing itself down the toilet just like in 1855 when it was first published. I don´t think any other poems quite affect me the way these do. It´s better than the Declaration of Independence and Constitution combined. If we could form a government based on the thoughts contained within Song of Myself, America would be all the better.

On the other side of the America coin, I saw "Evangelism´s Rising Star" on Larry King last night because I´m in a hostel and I can watch it. He was very interesting and not quite so repellant as most evangelists. He had a very "I don´t have the answers. I don´t judge. That´s god´s job," although I´m sure he would use the uppercase G. Granted, I would never hang out with the guy, but lack of fire and brimstone was refreshing. The audience was not. Here were some of the call-in questions:

"I want to know what you think about something my friend told me. We were talking and he said that after the Rapture, the last person who god lets into heaven will be Lucifer because he´s a forgiving god."
--I don´t know where to begin on this, other than to pull the trigger after the bad taste that left in my mouth to think that people actually believe in Revelations, the Rapture, and Lucifer. Are you fucking nuts? Holy Shit woman, buy a clue. No, better yet, I´ll buy one for you.

"I don´t know why you shrank from Larry´s question when he asked you if people can get into heaven without accepting Jesus as their personal lord and savior when the Bible clearly says that the way to the father is through the sun. I am the way the truth and the light blah blah blah."
--AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! We actually had thoughtful, caring evangelist who admitted that only god can judge people´s hearts, and now we have this raging lunatic attacking any semblance of rationality. God Damn It are some people stupid. I´m ripping my hair out as we speak, and stuffing it down my throat to induce vomiting yet again.

Luckily he didn´t shrink from his thinking and said that he agreed with what she said but wouldn´t say that only Christians would get into heaven. Some people may wonder why I care so much about something that I don´t really care about, but these people have the same electoral strength as I do. I don´t paint myself as some kind of elite, I think they should be able to vote, but for the love of god, could we start an NGO to buy these people some clues because it is going to cost a wholehelluvalot.

So that´s my 4th of July Rant. But wait, here´s more, and it´s directed at my friends.

I BLAME YOU. That´s right. I blame you. You alone. As we know, I got sunburnt this weekend. I´m pretty much better now, but I still blame you. Why you ask? Here you go. I don´t give a damn how pasty white I am. I haven´t had a hint of a tan most of the summers I´ve lived, except my awesome one when I worked at Dr. Waterpark. But here´s the thing. Whenever I go on vacation to some place remotely nice, you coños always bitch to me about how I spent a week or two in Florida or Puerto Rico or Spain or the general South on a road trip, but I´m not tan. Fuck hugh...I don´t tan that easily. I can be out in the sun for a long time and still be pasty, or I just get burnt. There is no logic. It´s a cross between my pasty white eastern european blood which is pale and my hispanic blood which has a high sun tolerance (to a point). So whenever I go on vacation I anticipate your bitching and the last day I have to get sun, I go all out because obviously casual sun exposure won´t do it. Then I burn. On the last possible day. I burn. Because I already was at the beach a lot, but it doesn´t show, and I don´t want you nagging about how I spent all day inside...which I didn´t. So I blame you. May the god of the crazy Larry King call-ins have mercy on your dogsouls.