Reasons I left America (only to recur in Spain)

It's no shock that there are many things about my beloved mother country that I absolutely and completely HATE. It was no funeral when I left because I had my reasons. What follow are things I hate about America, but have managed to seep into Spain's amazingly Hispano-centric culture.

1. Pat Robertson--I don't know if words can adequately describe how much I hate this pile of shit and ignorance. Definitely one of the worst America has to offer. Well, I was flipping through the channels, and there's this one station that's like Jesus channel or something, and on it I see Pat Robertson dubbed into Spanish. Ugh, at least the dubber didn't have that stupid smug air behind his voice. Honestly, I think if they hired me to dub Pat Robertson I either wouldn't take the job, or I'd insist on translating it myself with numerous liberties.

2. Chef Tony--I'm not sure many of you know this guy, but he's this horrible infomercial chef who's obviously a guy who was picked out of a parking lot because he looks so fake Italian and he's rotund and looks kind of like Chef Boyardee. But the catch is that he has the worst products ever. I remember one time he was hocking these bags that you put microwaveable food in as if a plate isn't good enough...or too good, I don't know. The greatest part about these bags was that he said they were reuseable, and didn't transfer aromas or flavors. I guess you had to see it. But anyway, he was dubbed into Spanish hocking these ridiculous knives.

3. The McDonald's BahdahbuhBAH BAH, I'm lovin' it ad campaign. I don't think I need to explain this one.

4. Religion-dominated politics--It's weird that this doesn't bother me more. I think it's because the religious freaks here are Catholic as opposed to the religious freaks in America who are mostly Protestant. It's as if I can understand fanaticism more if it's Catholic. They're freaks, but they're MY freaks.

5. The Da Vinci Code--I swear everytime I get on the subway, somebody's reading "El codigo de da Vinci." Very annoying.

I suppose that's about it. I've been waiting to get that off my chest. I feel better.

This weekend was pretty good. I finally met the sister of my friend in the states, we'll call her Dina, after Dinamarca, which means Danish. Dina bears a striking resemblance to her sister, who we'll call Dana. We went to an art exposition that my Senor gave me tickets to. It was pretty blah, but we had good conversation. Afterwards we went out for coffee and talked about how great Spain is and its numerous quirks, like mothers who like to smother. We'll call them smothers. Anyone who knows my mom knows she's awfully doting, but compared to Spanish smothers, I feel a little neglected. Actually, that's not true, I feel relieved. Senorito came home again from the Canaries which are off of Africa, and last night after Senora returned from Sevilla, she absolutely attacked her son with kisses. It was adorable, but at the same time I had the greatest relief that I'm not Senorito. He looked so embarrassed, but it was funny. Dina and I also talked about how incredibly intolerant Spanish society is and how grateful we are that we aren't minorities here. It's very sad, but at the same time products such as this really make me laugh, despite my knowing it's wrong. Take a look at the white chocolate conguitos, they're so bizarre. btw, Conguitos are like peanut M&Ms, and they're really good. I love Conguitos. I think my Senora does too, she knows the ad jingle by heart.