Karaoke King

Tonight's senior bar event takes us to my favorite bar in Cambridge, Charlie's Kitchen, for karaoke night.

As many of you know, I take karaoke very seriously. I mean that in an almost purely unironic way. I absolutely love karaoke. I think it's very democratic and should be taught in every high school civics class. Everyone gets a fair shake, talented or untalented. The audience loves the lows as much as the highs, and those who obviously rehearsed and are looking for more padding to their lovingly massaged egos are generally ignored.

Plus, it inspires teamwork and cooperation. You don't just pick your favorite song to sing. That is far too selfish. Like picking the ideal band to play at your wedding, you must take your audience into consideration and go for a crowd pleaser. Not just any crowd pleaser will do. Whitney Houston's butchering of Dolly Parton's painfully beautiful "I will always love you" often gets a tepid response. Real classics lie in the area of David Bowie, Neil Diamond, and the even cheesier arena of songs like "total eclipse of the heart" which can really bring down the house. Also, it's always best to pick the one song that has maybe one or two notes completely out of your range in order to show that you're really trying, even if you end up screeching. That's why I've received many email requests in the leadup to tonight requesting me to sing Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone. Unfortunately, I think it's too recent to be on the list of songs.

Tonight I'm undecided as to what I will choose. They have Radio Free Europe on the list, and that is one of my favorite songs, but I think, sadly, it is a little to obscure and doesn't allow for the kind of emoting that the audience craves. The intense singer face shown above always gets a huge response. David Bowie's always a welcome choice. I could whip out my Mick Jagger impression which Franklin Delano Cashew enjoys so much. So many options, but with the crowd at senior bar, it's likely I'll only get to sing one song. Any suggestions in the next coupla hours or so?