Bacchus for Pope, 2005

That's it. I'm officially calling for the pope's resignation. I realize that many of you out there might think that it's a god-chosen position and natural death should take the Pontiff, but I'm taking the other route. At this point, what exactly can the pope do if he can't write or speak. Whoever's in charge now hasn't been elected by the College of Cardinals and is essentially a dictator. I realize that papal elections are probably a lot more emotional after the papal funeral, but I'm not going to call for the pope's death. Come on, that's a little controversial, even for me. But the real question is who's running the show. Who's in charge, here? That's why I'm officially calling for an abdication and announcing my candidacy for the papacy.

As pope, I'm not exactly sure what I would do, but the words "radical changes" come to mind. I'd start small, naturally, by moving the tabernacle lamp slightly to the left and adding soap to the hand-washing and chalice-washing portions of the mass, just for sanitation's sake. Then the more pressing matters would get attention, like shifting the church's politics away from personal morality legislation through government and moving it more toward social justice, working for the poor, higher minimum wage, etc.

I think that's about it for this post, I got bored.